Antigua

I’m lucky to have family members who work in the travel industry. Because of them, I tag along on exciting trips to places I’d otherwise never visit. We just spent Thanksgiving at Jumby Bay in Antigua. If you’re not familiar with Antigua, here are some things I think you should know.

Antiguans smile constantly. They’re surrounded by sun, sand, and rum. If you had access to these three things at all times, you’d be smiling, too.

Jumby Bay doesn’t have cars, so everyone rides bikes and golf carts. Also, no one locks their doors and there aren’t any room keys. The island is tamer than Target during a Buckeye football game.

Mirrors are scarce, which saves loads of time on hygienic chores like brushing, shaving, and plucking. Your eye makeup might resemble a caffeinated raccoon, but who cares? You’re in the Caribbean.

It’s fun to play a game I invented called Daughter or Girlfriend? Try to guess if older male tourists are either the best dads ever, or delusional creepsters who honestly believe those minxes would spend time with them even if they were poor.

Mosquitoes have no remorse and will eat you alive. This is because Antigua is drastically nicer than where the rest of us live, and God felt it was necessary to give it one flaw.

The breezy phrase “No worries” used to seem so insincere to me. I get it now.